Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of crazy modern life, I forget how neat I think you are. Then you produce a graph charting the quality of Big Shiny Tunes albums over time, and it all comes rushing back.

I hope you’re well, Mr. Elliott.

If I ever blatantly ripped off (or used with permission and proper credentials) any past work of yours, I’d blatantly rip off:

-Driving home from Labor Day weekend and having the Top 100 Rock Songs Ever station crackling in and out of static

-The kid(s?) playing street hockey despite cold, rainy weather

-And probably some bit about a family vacation in which the most notable part is a goddamn bus parked on the side on the road for the whole of the trip and, during the duration of the trip, the family makes comments about said “goddamn bus,” until, at the end of said vacation, the bus is still there and they have nothing to say about it

If I combined the lovelorn-at-university introspection of your old blog(s) with the befuddled inanity of Jonathan Luke Adams’ current One Thing I Did Today blog, I think I would have cinematic gold. Once I get my current film finished and vow to make a bonafide comedy after directing another drama, I’ll see if there’s enough frothing demand for some company to throw a bunch of money at me to make an awesome movie.

I have to take some exception with your methods on this graph, as they’re just a little too lackadaisical. I mean, you’re judging the quality of the compilation by whether each song is good or not good? Not to be douchey or anything, but that’s what you consider rigorous?

You’ve got to take into account the fact that some songs are phenomenal, while others are just pretty good. I think we can all agree that Machinehead, Ophelia, Just, and Rave + Drool are all near-perfect to perfect songs. While there are at least 4 songs on BST2 that also fit that mould, I think you also need to consider the quality of the not good songs. The worst song on BST1 is Angry Johnny, and that’s tolerable. But compare that to the worst on BST2, Fly, which is an absolute pillar of craptacular unlistenability.

I think that a more scientifically rigorous examination of these compilations would definitely support your original statement that BST1 holds up significantly better over time than any that followed.

Reason supports this as well. Consider this: You’re sitting down listening to your Big Shiny Tunes albums and the worst song of the album comes on. The controls for your music are on the opposite side of the room and you really don’t feel like getting up. With the first one, you can deal with it. With every album after that, unless you’re able to induce a coma at will, you’re damn well gonna get up and skip the song.

One last comment (because I will not rest as long as anyone says that this song is good): generosity is one thing, but classifying In My Place by Coldplay as a good song? Come on, you know deep in your heart what a dreadfully boring song that is. The music doesn’t do anything and the lyrics don’t say anything. And the most interesting thing that happens in the video is that Chris Martin kinda half runs toward the microphone.

I totally figured you’d be my ticket to stardom. If you ever you get the urge to make a short film about feeling lovelorn and introspective in university, feel free to draw from my vast catalog of sappy stories.

We do have “Now”. I think it’s actually “NOW! That’s What I call music” which is a really stupid title, punctuation-wise. It’s like someone made a typo on the first album cover and they’ve just gone with it. (This is also how “The Beatles” started, I believe.)

These compilations are definitely getting more eclectic, and not really in a good way. Do kids really put, like, “Gold Digger” followed by “Lips of an Angel” followed by some Kid Rock song about how awesome summer is all back-to-back on the same disc? How is that palatable? It’s like eating lobster with potato chips and hot chocolate.

Matthew,
As a man semi-connected to semi-connected LA management companies, if I could get mutual access to Alex Trebek, Ken Jennings, and the Jeopardy! set, I would make your scenario happen in a heartbeat.

Also, re: something else

Do you Canadiennes have Now That’s What I Call Music! I think it’s the American equivalent with a yearly compilation. I never bought a single one, even though, in its early days, it was probably the kind of pop-radio stuff that I liked. I only imagine its now an abortion’s shadow of its former self.

Whoa. Just looked at Wikipedia and found out that the Now series is in like a jillion countries with a bahzillion comps and are now up to 71.

CORRECTION: I was looking at the UK series of the same name. The US version came much later, 1999, when the US was just trying to release itself from the grip of R&B songs dominating the charts. Still amusing to see “Flagpole Sitta” by Harvey Danger up there (if only included because of its inclusion in the film American Pie), “If You Could Only See” by Tonic (also in American Pie, though the acoustic version is far superior) and, mostly importantly, “Karma Police” by Radiohead.

However, the latest November 2008 compilation shows the radical change in the American musical palette. Case in point: hip-hop, rap, and club tra(x)cks. I think it ends with some pop-country, which is the worst genre ever birthed by mankind. Unless it’s not pop-country, since I’m basing that assumption almost entirely on the names of the artists and the songs.