Matt Elliott’s Online

From the Mail Bag

I was away this week, as you might remember, in Windsor (birthplace of jazz — read more in a post Erin claims makes no sense), and then pretty damn sick for the remainder of the week. It has not been a fun ride. About the only bright spot has been my continued love affair with Canada’s Worst Driver, which is a tour de force of television the likes of which I’ve rarely seen.

BRIEF ASIDE: I think the thing I like best about Canada’s Worst Driver, and you can actually watch it for free on The Discovery Channel’s website, is that the host — the delightfully named Andrew Younghusband — actually does all the challenges himself, before the contestants do. It’s something I wish more hosts would do.

ASIDE TO AN ASIDE: In fact, it reminds me a little bit of the scenario I hoped would play out during the whole Ken Jennings Jeopardy! thing. Where, after Ken had won 400 games or whatever it was he did, Alex Trebek would start up one episode by saying “You’ve done it Ken! You’ve defeated all the Jeopardy! challengers!” But then he would turn, smile broadly at the camera, pick up his OWN signaling device, and step behind a podium. “Except for one.”

In any case, when I was off watching Discovery Channel reality programming and trying not to vomit, I received a comment to my last post, regarding the Big Shiny Tunes series I wrote about last week.

Luke Adams writes:

i have to take exception with your calling the original big shiny tunes the one that holds up best. oddly, i was also looking at the tracklists of the entire series the other day, and although big shiny tunes 2 was the one i owned and listened to the most when it came out, i was shocked at how strong big shiny tunes 3 was. one or two duds, but it has a bunch of songs i still listen to semi-regularly.

I claimed that Big Shiny Tunes was the best, and looking at the track listings, I’m going to stand by that. Two is undoubtedly a great disc, but it kind of sags during the Blur-Third Eye Blind-Smash Mouth-Sugar Ray section. Bran Van 3000’s awesome “Drinking in LA” snaps it into high gear, and the rest is actually remarkably solid.

To be fair, though, what I actually said was this:

BRIEF ASIDE: I just looked at the tracklists for the Big Shiny Tunes series and it’s amazing how much better the first volume is than every single one that followed it.

And that’s proving disingenuous. I’m issuing a retraction. In fact, the first volume of Big Shiny Tunes is only slightly better than the next few that follow it. I was unfair.

To clear up any and all confusion, I’ve made a graph.

Scientific Graph

I had a pretty rigorous process for defining the metrics here. I took a look at each volume, decided which tracks qualified as “Good” (And I was pretty fair — I gave thumbs up to every Coldplay track and even the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” — because it is awesome.), then divided that number by the total number of tracks on the disc. Then I calculated percentages and made a chart. Finally, I realized I had just spent a significant amount of my time making a chart exploring the history of a Canadian rock compilation that nobody really cares about.

Then I got depressed. Then I moved on. Exeunt.

Re: Your Jeopardy idea

Matthew,
As a man semi-connected to semi-connected LA management companies, if I could get mutual access to Alex Trebek, Ken Jennings, and the Jeopardy! set, I would make your scenario happen in a heartbeat.

Also, re: something else

Do you Canadiennes have Now That’s What I Call Music! I think it’s the American equivalent with a yearly compilation. I never bought a single one, even though, in its early days, it was probably the kind of pop-radio stuff that I liked. I only imagine its now an abortion’s shadow of its former self.

Whoa. Just looked at Wikipedia and found out that the Now series is in like a jillion countries with a bahzillion comps and are now up to 71.

CORRECTION: I was looking at the UK series of the same name. The US version came much later, 1999, when the US was just trying to release itself from the grip of R&B songs dominating the charts. Still amusing to see “Flagpole Sitta” by Harvey Danger up there (if only included because of its inclusion in the film American Pie), “If You Could Only See” by Tonic (also in American Pie, though the acoustic version is far superior) and, mostly importantly, “Karma Police” by Radiohead.

However, the latest November 2008 compilation shows the radical change in the American musical palette. Case in point: hip-hop, rap, and club tra(x)cks. I think it ends with some pop-country, which is the worst genre ever birthed by mankind. Unless it’s not pop-country, since I’m basing that assumption almost entirely on the names of the artists and the songs.

Hey Jackson,

I totally figured you’d be my ticket to stardom. If you ever you get the urge to make a short film about feeling lovelorn and introspective in university, feel free to draw from my vast catalog of sappy stories.

We do have “Now”. I think it’s actually “NOW! That’s What I call music” which is a really stupid title, punctuation-wise. It’s like someone made a typo on the first album cover and they’ve just gone with it. (This is also how “The Beatles” started, I believe.)

These compilations are definitely getting more eclectic, and not really in a good way. Do kids really put, like, “Gold Digger” followed by “Lips of an Angel” followed by some Kid Rock song about how awesome summer is all back-to-back on the same disc? How is that palatable? It’s like eating lobster with potato chips and hot chocolate.

Matt,

I have to take some exception with your methods on this graph, as they’re just a little too lackadaisical. I mean, you’re judging the quality of the compilation by whether each song is good or not good? Not to be douchey or anything, but that’s what you consider rigorous?

You’ve got to take into account the fact that some songs are phenomenal, while others are just pretty good. I think we can all agree that Machinehead, Ophelia, Just, and Rave + Drool are all near-perfect to perfect songs. While there are at least 4 songs on BST2 that also fit that mould, I think you also need to consider the quality of the not good songs. The worst song on BST1 is Angry Johnny, and that’s tolerable. But compare that to the worst on BST2, Fly, which is an absolute pillar of craptacular unlistenability.

I think that a more scientifically rigorous examination of these compilations would definitely support your original statement that BST1 holds up significantly better over time than any that followed.

Reason supports this as well. Consider this: You’re sitting down listening to your Big Shiny Tunes albums and the worst song of the album comes on. The controls for your music are on the opposite side of the room and you really don’t feel like getting up. With the first one, you can deal with it. With every album after that, unless you’re able to induce a coma at will, you’re damn well gonna get up and skip the song.

One last comment (because I will not rest as long as anyone says that this song is good): generosity is one thing, but classifying In My Place by Coldplay as a good song? Come on, you know deep in your heart what a dreadfully boring song that is. The music doesn’t do anything and the lyrics don’t say anything. And the most interesting thing that happens in the video is that Chris Martin kinda half runs toward the microphone.

Matt,

If I combined the lovelorn-at-university introspection of your old blog(s) with the befuddled inanity of Jonathan Luke Adams’ current One Thing I Did Today blog, I think I would have cinematic gold. Once I get my current film finished and vow to make a bonafide comedy after directing another drama, I’ll see if there’s enough frothing demand for some company to throw a bunch of money at me to make an awesome movie.

P.S.

If I ever blatantly ripped off (or used with permission and proper credentials) any past work of yours, I’d blatantly rip off:

-Driving home from Labor Day weekend and having the Top 100 Rock Songs Ever station crackling in and out of static

-The kid(s?) playing street hockey despite cold, rainy weather

-And probably some bit about a family vacation in which the most notable part is a goddamn bus parked on the side on the road for the whole of the trip and, during the duration of the trip, the family makes comments about said “goddamn bus,” until, at the end of said vacation, the bus is still there and they have nothing to say about it

Matt,

Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of crazy modern life, I forget how neat I think you are. Then you produce a graph charting the quality of Big Shiny Tunes albums over time, and it all comes rushing back.

I hope you’re well, Mr. Elliott.