Turning 25, I think
I’ve been through too much to sum it all up neatly, but I feel like I should try. I don’t know why exactly. I feel like it’s possible that a big part of getting through your twenties is dealing with the inevitable fact that you’re probably not as remarkable as you once thought you were. That life as an adult is all about finding a cozy niche and planting yourself there. That none of this is anywhere near as depressing as you thought it might be when you were 18.
It’s actually, distressingly, kind of nice.
I’m making a stand today, though, and writing it all down for good measure. This year, my 25th, will be different than the last couple. Not because I’m worried about being unremarkable, but because, as much as other things tend to dominate my life and my time, I feel like I’ve been holding myself back. I want to be a writer, and I need to stop downplaying that. I need to stop making excuses and pushing things back. I need to stop ignoring the obvious truth that to be a writer, you need to fucking write.
So this is the year. I’m going to put the guard down again. I’m going to talk about my life and my work and probably nerdy computer stuff, too. It may not be anything like it was two years ago, but it doesn’t need to be. It can be different. It can be better. Or worse. It doesn’t even matter, really: it just needs to be there.
So it will be. I’m going to create a schedule and hold to it. Two-or-three posts a week to this blog. At least a post a week to yworking.com. Greater visibility everywhere else. No more of my terrible habit, where I get an email, think on it, then don’t respond for three months. From now on, I’m going to embrace responsibility. But only on the internet. Not in real life.
Steps I’m taking toward making this happen: Buying an iMac. Because I don’t actually have a computer of my own since my iBook died. I’ve been living off my work-provided MacBook. And it all feels a little too transient. I’m laying down roots. I’m also going to devote myself to sitting down and writing more often. I spend way too much time in my attempts to keep current on everything going on ON the internet, that I feel like I have no time to be part of it. There’s got to be a balance there. Hopefully I can find it.
We’ll see how this works. I have high hopes and I feel pretty fired up about it. I’m aware that I am, in large part, yelling into an empty cave here, but that’s not really the point, is it? The point is that I’ve got a lot of fucking things I want to yell, and the cave provides a nice place to do that in.
Twenty five. It doesn’t make sense to me. Here’s to a good year.
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