Matt Elliott’s Online

Wii Fit Diary: Seven Days In

The Long and Rambling Introduction

Wherein I justify my laziness on philosophic grounds
I’ve always thought of myself as having a pretty damn good metabolism. I’m a picky eater — some would say ridiculously picky — and my physical activity level falls somewhere between a roofied snail and a cord of firewood. That I never got to be even a little bit overweight in my teenage years is a testament to my ridiculously good luck and also, perhaps, the existence of a god and/or gods.

Things have been changing in the past couple of years, though. Part of it might be a slowing metabolism — the one older people always warn you about — and part of it might be the largely sedentary lifestyle you end up living with a desk job and a commute. It’s a hell of a thing when you live a life that leaves you exhausted despite doing very little physical activity.

I’ve felt like I should try and do something about this for a while. But I’ve had troubles getting started. Not necessarily due to any pretenses about a lack of willpower or a love of fatty food. I don’t think I’m particularly weak-willed (lazy, maybe, a little bit) and food is one of those things that’s more an obligation than an extravagance. There were hurdles there, but nothing that couldn’t be overcome.

My biggest issue was that I didn’t want to become that guy. I have a sort of overstated cavalier attitude when it comes to life and living and not being a goddamned martyr to the cause of being able to lift a lot of weight or make your pecs dance. I don’t want to worry about eating chicken wings on the weekend or spend hundreds of dollars on a gym membership. I understand doing that. I know people who do it — they’re that guy — but it’s just not really for me.

Plus, hell, pop quiz: how many funny, creative, smart people do you know who are in absurdly good shape? If you can think of any outside of maybe Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, you’re more in tune with the world than I.

The Point

Wherein I bring things back from a rather odd digression involving Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Anyway, point is, I really just don’t want to be fat. I don’t really care about being in great shape, particularly. I mean, I don’t want to die because of neglect. But I also don’t really want to ever bench press anything that’s not inflatable. There’s a happy medium there that I’m really comfortable living in.

I just need to make sure I stay there. That’s been my challenge lately, as my metabolism slows and I spend my days sitting around discussing the relationship between the web and experiential education in Ontario. I felt myself slowly slipping away from the comfort zone of weight, warning signs of being, maybe, in time “FAT” started to crop up, and so I needed an answer.

The Game

Wherein I finally talk about the reason behind this post
And, so: Wii Fit. There’s something about this game that appeals to me precisely because it’s such an absurdist way to approach weight loss. It’s a video game. The very thing that has undoubtedly contributed greatly to obesity over the last two decades. And I’m going to use one to lose weight. It’s like trying to fix a leak with a firehose. Or solve a math problem with a soliloquy. Or achieve peace with a gun.

It just doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Which is why I wanted to try it, I guess. I figured why not see if it’s possible to see real, traceable weight loss through doing a workout regime composed purely of Wii Fit for a long period of time.

The Goal

Wherein I shamefully talk real numbers
Wii Fit is hosted by a little character representing its own accessory, the Wii Balance Board. This dude is a bit of a jerk, honestly, really taking you to task for everything you don’t do at the level he thinks appropriate for your age, height, or weight. He makes you set a goal for weight loss, so you have something to work toward while playing the games included in the Wii Fit package.

First, the game told me my weight was an incredibly unfortunate 191.6 lbs. This worried the crap out of me. I set, as my first goal, a target weight of 183.6 lbs, to be achieved in a month’s time. My goal is to lose 8 pounds in a month playing this game.

The Regime

Wherein I probably make no sense if you’ve never played this game
It’s taken me a while to ease into a routine that actually makes me feel like I accomplished something. The past couple of days I’ve done something like this:

1. Advanced Step — I am really pretty good at this. I refuse to clap along when it says, though. I have my dignity.
2. Random Strength Exercise — I haven’t found one I like a lot yet, so I just sort of rotate. I try to pick the ones that let me stand up and do them, though.
3. Random Yoga Exercise — I like the “Warrior” pose because it makes me feel tough. One thing you may be surprised to learn about me: I am actually really good at Yoga. Who knew?
4. Hula Hoop — This, on the other hand, I am terrible at. When I was younger I had a Skip-It and a Pogo Ball. Hula Hoops are before my time.
5. Ski Jump — Not much of a work out, but Erin and I have been having fine trying to beat each other’s records.
6. Island Run — The running in the game is actually more fun than it sounds — because ‘run in place in your living room’ sounds kind of dull, doesn’t it? — mostly due to the cool scenery and the challenge of trying to keep a steady pace.

I recently unlocked boxing which is a total killer in terms of getting me moving, so that will probably become a mainstay too. The trainer guy is a total dick, though.

The Progress

Wherein I am cautiously optimistic
I just had my seventh ‘Body Test’. My Fitness Age gets better every day. (I now have the balance and posture of a 30 year old!) My weight has been fluctuating all over the place, but it’s still a downward trend, I think. Yesterday I was down to 188.1 lbs, which made me feel awesome. Today I’m back up to 190.3 lbs, which kind of sucks. But I also became the International My House Champion in the Ski Jump today, so there’s some karmic balance in the work here.

Progress in the Form of a Table

Wherein I outline my progress for the week in the form of a table

Next week: More progress reports!